Imagine that you and your EX just finished having a roll in the hay.
You guys split up six months ago, but it was on good terms. Without of the intense feelings of hatred, bitterness, and betrayal involved in a typical breakup, it makes things much easier and enticing to remain to continue to remain cool with each other.
But, even though you both claimed you were content with keeping things completely platonic, y’all were both sipping on some grownup juice one night while hanging out at his/her casa, and things got hot and heavy.
You two have been sexually active consistently since then, with no intentions of stopping in the foreseeable future, not at least until you find someone else who can provide you the level of sexual satisfaction they do. You’ve even agreed to only have intercourse with one another until you find someone else to be in a relationship with.
After you’re both done, you roll over and lay there quietly and in utter euphoria, just letting the moment sink in. It’s just feels so comfortable and fulfilling to do it with someone you know you through and through, and vice versa.
Your EX says they’re going for a drink of water and you take that opportunity to check your phone for any missed alerts, and you soon realize that it may have somehow been knocked on the floor earlier during the “festivities.”
You feel along the side of the bed for it, in the dimly lit candle light, when it’s then, your fingers graze something shriveled and soft. You realize that it is, indeed, not your phone. But, yet, somehow, you’ve felt that object before.
Out of increasing curiosity, you reach to feel the object once and again and graze your fingers past it more intently, and it is then that a heart-sinking and grim realization sinks in. The reason the object feels familiar is because it is one you and EX have used countless (hopefully)–a condom. And, the only reason it could feel shriveled is because it’s been used.
You abruptly pull your hand away as another sobering fact sets in. You feel humiliated, angered and disgusted with your EX and yourself, because you know the condom is not the one you both just used, due to the fact it’s completely dry. Also, you know this, because there is a trash can adjacent to the bed on the opposite side where your EX has always disposed them in every single time you’ve had sex. It’s habitual of him/her.
You try to think what you’ll say to them when they come back in the room, but the words evade you in the embarrassment of it all. You want to ask him/her how it got there, but technically, even if they are sleeping with someone else, you have no grounds to get mad. You’re both single.
They did claim once that you’re their only sexual partner, even though you both aren’t officially together. “Was that a lie?”
“Did he/she put it on the side of the bed to hide it from me?”
“And, if so, did they do so because they didn’t have time to throw it out?” “Did they have sex with another person that same day?”
An array of questions rapidly begin to flood your mind.
That sweet and special “homie-lover-friend” setup you both had, which felt so safe, warm, and trustworthy and as if the connection you both had for each other was so strong, deep, intense, unique, and unmatched by any other couple, was the best of both worlds–where you had the commitment and the great sex of a genuine relationship without having to frequently deal with the undesirable qualities of your EX that contributed to breakup up in the first place.
But, you want to do something to make them feel bad for making you feel this way. Before they return back to the room you desperately attempt to conjure up something–something that will make them feel as bad as they would if they were actually in a committed relationship with you and you caught them cheating.
Your EX did lie about having on you as their sole sexual partner. You could call them out on that and make them feel them feel horrible–maybe as horrible as you feel in that moment.
You could chew them out about how lying the ultimate sin and guilt trip ’til they cry. That’d teach ’em.
But, in the end, what would be the point? Would lashing out at them be that one thing they needed to persuade him/her to not want to sleep someone else anymore?
Deep down inside, you know the real reason you’re so ashamed, and it has nothing to do with your EX going back on his word.
You’re pissed off at yourself because you thought your “goodies” were so irresistible, that your EX could never even consider knockin’ boots with someone else.
The real reason you’re humiliated is because your little sex safe haven doesn’t feel so warm and fuzzy anymore, for reasons that are not only dangerous for your heart but, also, for your physical health. Now, you actually have to worry about having contracted STD’s again.
Something you weren’t supposed to have to worry about with the person that once said they loved you.
Even though you wore a condom, HPV and Herpes can still be contracted and with the other person not needing to show symptoms to give it to you.). Only heaven knows who your EX is sleeping with and what kind of stuff they have.
Bottom line, the question that should have been asked before this whole dreadful evening was set into motion should’ve have been, if you ever really loved your EX and respect what you guys once had, how can you keep sleeping with them?
How can you say you love them by not letting them move on from you?
How can say that, knowing that you’ll only end up hurting them more, when the lusty fire burns out between you two in the end?
Better yet, how can you say that you love yourself? Sleeping with your EX only continues to reinforce the emotional tie you have with someone whom you should be consciously making an effort to emotionally distance yourself from.
Eventually, the “fun ride” you and your EX may be having WILL come to an end. It’s just a matter of “WHEN,” not “IF.” Continuing to be intimate, in any form, with your EX will only make the end that much more painful and damaging to your heart.
Images courtesy of “placardmoncoeur” at http://www.morguefile.net,
All Rights Reserved/The Stormy Poet 2015