Widely accepted and, yet, quietly absurd,
such a contraption could only be forged in the rotten-egg-smell-producing fires of Mt. Saint Are You Friggin Serious?

Sworn enemy to all naps, work from home days, and live streams,
its ruthless and continuous sacrifice of our well-being at the altar of lunacy
is all performed in the name of moving tiny, lateral, photosynthetic, discarded organs
from one location to another...for, in most cases, only a couple of feet.

They've, unconscionably, convicted, condemned, and converted countless cubic tons of mothering mulch
into continuously compounding, common trash, along with the likes of non-recyclable polymers.
I hope your lawn looking 97 percent green for all of a half-an-hour was worth it.

'Least your cousin, the lawnmower, chops and transforms what you, instead, transport, into making what it cuts greener and fuller, in the end.
Plus, it only takes
one gust front's wind direction break
to make your nauseatingly noisy work come completely undone.
You wined, pitched, and moaned with no regard,
and those Cedar and Oak leaves still ended back in Bob's backyard.

You wake countless night workers, young kids, and the chronically ill, who sleep regularly evades,
whilst, concurrently, spewing noxious fumes in your unprovoked rage.

May the Jones' and their obsessive keep-uppers drop their addiction of appearance;
may their holistic well-being and the longevity of their children's world be the next popular craze.
By the way, thanks for aiding in concertedly coating those with acute allergies in your inflammatory and carbon monoxide-laced haze.

From the Soul,
 

📕“The Idiocy of Leaf Blowers” is a piece from my upcoming published anthology, “Return from the Pale Trail: Gifts to Humanity We’ve Been Taught to Forget.” I’m ecstatic to share this wonderful piece of literature with the family. I hope you all enjoy. Until then, feel free to check out my other published materials.