I'm not writing this
for it to sound pretty...nor deep.
If it comes out pretty, cool. As for the depth, it speaks for itself. I don't need to sell it--"depth," like the kind you were too lazy to explore.
I'm beyond queasy,
like the countless who've shared shoes with others and I, and we all want to vomit black lava.
This cookie-cutter, image-lusting, racial-fetishizing, bad boy-chasing, emotionally illiterate, "I'm too scared to say I just want sex or that I just flat-out don't want you"-type-coward-infested, generation is one driving us insane and then turning around and asking us why we're so infuriated.
This generation--and I'm not leaving out the 30 somethings going on 21--is too timid and emotionally fragile and self-centered to even be challenged on their deficiencies in integrity, even when you, first, put your own pride on the line and welcome them to challenge them to point our yours.
There's not even a sense of urgency present for them to examine why they're so dam emotionally flimsy. When you try to tell them why, they'll spite you for it.
They shut down.
They ghost you.
They go surround themselves
with those who say what their ears have been itching to hear,
and then, turn around and blame you for their brokenness--the frailness that not only keeps them from healing and evolving and but the kind that cyclically invites that empty, counterfeit, hispter-fied, coon-cutter, privilege-denying, "not willing to tap into their deep empathy, their humanity, their passion, their warrior, their potential, their sacrifice, their selflessness, nor their rhythm", half-ass kind of love.
They cling to whoever can provide financial security and a few monetary benefits to compensate for everything else they lack as a man and as a woman.
I shared every piece of knowledge I possessed and
every piece of art my brain took log of that moved my soul at the times when I needed it to and what made me need at that time.
I gave you the low down about the evil going on in this world
because I wanted you to know how to better navigate
this jungle called life--information that took me countless hours of effort to obtain.
I hipped you to it for free... because I wasn't afraid of you winning. I wanted you to win.
Learning you in and out was a privilege, not a hassle. And, the same applies...for one getting to know me. You could have had that same joy, but you looked for some image of a man you got off TV. You weren' making me bored nor was it, even now, a waste of time.
I have all this love, like so many, to give and no place to put it. I saw the sun in you, and not only was not only illuminated by your warmth; I wanted to combine our shine.
But, you said you weren't ready at this time in life.
So, I gave you space out of respect and because I don't own you.
We didn't talk for a while 'cause I respected where you were going.
Wanted to see how you were doing, so I said "hi?"
I asked you what you were doing, and said, you're going out with "him" tonight.
What the fuck?
I felt what countless like me feel--how they feel when all the sudden the one you've been wanting all this time is now magically ready to be with someone when some soulless, plastic, run-of-the-mill, conforming but pretending not to conform, jerk comes around.
And, now what? We're just supposed to accept some, "Well, as long as you're happy, I'm happy," "Well, they're plenty of fish," "Why did you waste your time waiting on this one," "His/her heart wanted what it wanted, and these things happen," canned ass notion bullshit, after we could have gone and been with someone else, but we were busy waiting on your indecisive ass?
Well...no. That is NOT okay. You're wrong for that, and what you did was wicked. It WAS NOT something small. You made a little bit more afraid to love.
Just tell us how you feel? Just tell us how feel, damit!
Stop the "I'm just not ready" crap, if you don't wanna be with us specifically.
Let us move on! We don't own you, and we're fine with you not wanting us. But, when you tell us you're not ready or that you need to handle this or that or whatever in life, we'll wait.
It's not because we can't get someone else. It's not because we're obsessed with you. It's not because you're hot shit. It's because we believe you're worth the wait.
JUST TELL US WHAT YOU WANT! We're owed that much especially when we had the guts to muster up the courage of being vulnerable enough...when we've been through like 2 or 3 or more of these situations prior...to tell you how we feel.
From the Soul,
Published works: https://amzn.to/3gA4Dh3